TO: Bachelor Nation

FROM: Melissa McKay

RE: The Bachelor – Peter, Episode 7

DATE: 17 February 2020

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Introduction

1. On 10 February 2020, at 8PM EST, Episode 7 of Pilot Pete’s The Bachelor aired, with Peter heading to Lima, Peru.
2. This episode is noteworthy for the fact that it was filmed in October, 2019, while I myself was visiting Lima for my friend’s wedding.[1]
3. It is extremely distracting to discover that Pilot Pete and his harem were staying 300 metres from the bride and groom’s hotel,[2] and further, that he invited three women on a three-on-one date to their wedding venue.[3]
4. To think I could have stumbled into the set of one of his dates and told him in person that he was a disappointment. What a missed opportunity.

 Peter in Peru

5. Kelley, Esq., is excited to visit yet another country. She states that all she needs to be happy this week is to see alpacas before she leaves. Kelley, Esq. has her priorities in check – baby alpacas are extremely cute.
6. I am stunned to learn that the next episode will feature hometown dates, because I feel like I know nothing about any of these women. I have no favourite, and I have yet to see a connection between Peter and any of them.
7. Peter skypes his family, which I did not know was allowed – usually, they try to isolate everyone so that they are more emotionally unstable. He tells his parents that he is worried about this process being a two-way street, and that any of the women could decide they don’t like him. It’s like he’s trying to make me hate him even more. Heaven forbid these women form their own opinions on their future partner!
8. He decides he should visit the women in their hotel, and tell them how serious he is about this process. He states that his greatest fear is falling for someone who thinks they “want this” and then realises that they do not. He is afraid of being blindsided, as he was when Alabama Hannah chose two other men over him.
9. I think Peter’s problem is the fact that he has no personality to speak of, and does not seem to understand social cues.
10. Madi, Old Crone, and Kelley, Esq., all note that they do not feel as though they know Peter well enough yet, so apparently that is just the theme this season. Old Crone, who has yet to have a one on one date, notes that she will not take Peter home without one on one time.
11. Madi gets the one on one date.

Madi’s Date

12. Madison puts mascara on. She has very long eyelashes. She and Peter go to a fishing village.
13. Peter tells Madi that he got his golf cart bandage off, and brags about how cool he thinks his scar is. Madi, who was not on Peter’s high school science rocket team and thus has a higher bar for cool stories, is forced to feign impressment.
14. Peter says that he could see Madi as his best friend who he also falls in love with.
15. A seal swims by and that is likely the best part of this episode.
16. Peter takes Madi “dancing”, if we can qualify his movements as such.[4] They go to dinner. Madi tells Peter that her faith is all of who she is. She wants a marriage that includes a relationship with the lord, and wants a partner who also wants to grow in that faith and raise their children in that faith. Peter, soggy saltine cracker that he is, stares blankly for a solid five seconds and then says he wants a family some day and was raised Christian. He feels his faith could be stronger, which is not something he is proud of, but faith is still important to him, and he knows he is falling in love with her.
17. I feel as though he has misrepresented his religious beliefs, or that he completely missed how central they were to Madi’s identity. This is not to say that Peter does not have religion as a component of his life, but that there is something very different about wanting to raise your children in a “relationship with the lord” and taking them to church for major Christian holidays.[5]
18. Madi does not tell Peter she is falling in love with him. He gives her a rose.

Old Crone finally gets a one on one

19. Peter takes Old Crone on a date, finally, stating that it does not matter how fast you fall in love but how strong it is once you get there.
20. Peter also tells Old Crone to look at his forehead scar from the golf cart incident. He wants all the women to acknowledge how cool it is.
21. Unless you are Harry Potter, your forehead scar is not cool. Sorry, not sorry, Peter.
22. Peter walks Old Crone around in a food market. She Lady and the Tramps a piece of fried food with him.[6] As someone who has never understood the appeal of either being fed by another human after the age of one, or of mixing the acts of kissing and chewing, I am disappointed in Old Crone.
23. Peter prepares for the evening portion of their date. He recalls that he is falling in love with Madi but is not sure that he is yet there with Old Crone. It has been clear for about four weeks now that Peter was not going to take Old Crone to hometowns.
24. At dinner, Old Crone asks Peter how he feels about their connection. He tells her that he sees potential but asks if she does. Old Crone is an excellent actor, because she says she does.
25. Peter tells her they just have a friendship and does not give her a rose. Old Crone has dodged a bullet, and wishes Peter best of luck.
26. Back at the hotel, Champagne Kelsey is given a one on one date, which means that Hannah Ann, Victoria F, and Kelley, Esq., will go on the three on one date at my friend’s beautiful wedding venue.

Champagne Kelsey avoids talking about champagne

27. I think Peter might be tall, and that is why some women are tricked into believing he is attractive.[7]
28. Peter and Champagne Kelsey ride four-wheelers. Peter says that he loves finding a road, getting lost, and exploring. Peter is a ~*fReE sPiRiT*~. They walk up a hill, and then lie down. “Look at this amazing view,” says Peter, with his eyes closed.[8]
29. Champagne Kelsey tells Peter that, if he goes home with her, her mum will be there, but her dad will not. She recently went to see her father in Mexico after not speaking with him for ten years, but did not tell her mother that they started redeveloping their relationship because she does not want to be influenced by anyone else’s opinions. Announcing this on national television does not seem like the kindest way to break this news to her mother, but Champagne Kelsey has never come across as someone who thinks through her actions.
30. Peter says their relationship is mature, much like a fine bottle of champagne, and gives her a rose.

The Three on One Date

31. Peter takes the remaining three women to my friend’s wedding venue. He does not deserve to be there.
32. Once again, he takes the opportunity to brag about the fact that he now has a scar because he smashed a glass into his own face.
33. Kelley, Esq. is overconfident going into this date. She thinks that Peter can see that she has a good head on her shoulders, and that she is the only one mature enough for a relationship, because Hannah Ann is 23, and Victoria F. is a hot mess. She also thinks the fact that she is a lawyer is important to Peter. Kelley, Esq., decides to start the date off with a nap.[9] I think she will go home.
34. Peter speaks to Hannah Ann. She is worried this will be their last conversation. She reads him a letter where she has dotted her i’s with hearts.[10] Cool your jets, Hannah Ann, you’re supposed to be getting ready for marriage, not doodling “Mrs. Pilot Pete” in your grade four notebook.
35. Peter asks Kelley, Esq. how she feels about them. She says that not all relationships need to be about overcoming hurdles; they can just be fun. Peter disagrees – his understanding of love is based on the emo music he played in his parents’ basement[11] after rocket building practice in high school. He thanks Kelley, Esq., for being so honest, and asks her if this is more than just fun. She tells him that she knows he hates when she uses the word “fun”, which is exactly what I would want in a partner – the detestation of fun.
36. Peter meanders off to speak with Victoria F. Once again, he mentions his forehead scar. Does he think he’s Harrry Potter now? Voldemort didn’t hurt you; you did this to yourself. He tells her he is worried about their relationship because things were so off last time. She tells him that she feels as though every time they are together, he is in a mood, which is frustrating for her, but also kind of on brand for Harry Potter. He does not care for that statement: he is not in a mood, he is just being honest, plus his scar was acting up. Then he sulks moodily. She tells him that she does not want to be strung along to the end. He tells her that he would not give her a rose just to string her along. He may have forgotten that the whole point is to string everyone along save for one person.
37. Meanwhile, Kelley, Esq., is giving out her business card and reminding everyone that she is an attorney while the other girls are not, as though a real career is something that will impress Peter.
38. Peter tells the women that he does not need to have a dinner, but rather will give out the roses right away. He asks Victoria F. to walk to the limo with him, and it appears to the other women as though he is sending her home, when really he is just giving her a rose and then asking her to go back to the hotel. He returns to Hannah Ann and Kelley, Esq., and proceeds to give the rose to Hannah Ann in front of Kelley, Esq., which is way harsh.

Conclusion

39. Kelley, Esq., heads off to the airport in a limo, questioning Peter’s intentions all the way. She notes that he does not know what stage of life he is at himself, that he has not been decisive, and that she would rather not waste her time with him.
40. I think she is mostly upset because she did not see any baby alpacas, which is an entirely fair reaction.

______________________________________________________________________________

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

Exhibit D

Exhibit E

Exhibit F

Exhibit G

Exhibit H

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End Notes

[1] My notes on this week’s episode begin with: “They go to Lima. Nell gets married. It is beautiful. What more do you need.”

[2] See Exhibit A.

[3] See Exhibit B.

[4] See Exhibit C.

[5] I have had four of the seven Catholic sacraments, went to church every Sunday for the first 8 or so years of my life, and said grace before meals every night for a long time. You can be raised a Christian, and understand aspects of a particular church, without it being a key component to your everyday life. There is nothing wrong with either version of faith, but for someone who does not include faith as a central part of their identity to say they “totally hear that” when someone talks about wanting a relationship that centres around religion – it feels disingenuous and as though Peter isn’t taking Madi’s faith seriously. He may be more religious than he lets on, but considering how central Alabama Hannah’s faith was to her, and that we were never shown Peter’s views on his own faith and how that would impact their relationship when he was a contestant on her season, makes it appear as though it is only a minor part of his life. Further, adding in the “I’m falling in love with you” rather than engaging in the role he sees faith playing in their relationship feels manipulative.

[6] See Exhibit D.

[7] I noticed this week that both Madi and Champagne Kelsey look teeny next to him, see Exhibit E.

[8] See Exhibit F.

[9] See Exhibit G.

[10] See Exhibit H.

[11] I have no idea if Peter can play guitar, so this may not be true, but it really feels true, you know.