TO: Bachelor Nation

FROM: Melissa McKay

RE: The Bachelor – Peter, The Women Tell All and the Finale

DATE: 23 March 2020

______________________________________________________________________________

Introduction

1. On 2 March 2020, at 8PM EST, abc aired the Women Tell All episode.[1] On 9 March 2020 at 8PM EST, the finale aired, and on 10 March 2020 at 8PM EST, the After the Final Rose special aired.[2] For clarity, the After the Final Rose recap will follow in a separate post.
2. The Women Tell All episode opened with footage to wrap up last week’s cliff-hanger. We return to the rose ceremony in Australia. We still don’t know what happened with Madi after she left the Fantasy Suite Date, and it is unclear whether she will attend the rose ceremony.
3. We see Peter, looking like the last water cracker on a cheese plate, while Host Chris Harrison tries to look empathetic, but is rather wondering what choices brought him to this moment.[3] Peter tells Host Chris Harrison that he can see each of these women as his wives, and does not know how the rose ceremony will go.
4. I, for one, am genuinely shocked that Peter, our most decisive Bachelor yet, is having trouble making a decision.[4]
5. Peter gives Hannah Ann a rose. He offers a rose to Madi.[5] She begrudgingly accepts. Peter then walks Victoria F. to her exit limo. He tells her that everything was real and that she should not feel stupid. I don’t know why I’m still surprised at how terrible Peter is at speaking to women, but by telling Victoria F. that she should not feel stupid, he’s implying that he thinks she does feel stupid, and why should she? She doesn’t have to spend another second with Peter. She says, “it is what it is”, and leaves.
6. Peter will now re-introduce Madi to his family,[6] and introduce Hannah Ann to them for the first time, in the hopes of determining which women he will propose to and then break up with in approximately six weeks’ time, as is the way of The Bachelor.

 Peter’s Parents (and Brother)

7. Peter heads to Alice Springs, Northern Territory, and I wonder if the show will use this opportunity to raise awareness of the housing crisis faced by Aboriginal communities in the region,[7] or if they will merely use this location as a backdrop for exploiting Aboriginal culture.
8. Peter is greeted by his mother yelling, “BUD! BUD!” loudly, which I find quite jarring? Peter tells his family that they will never believe what this has been like, and then just stares at them, as though they are supposed to guess what it has been like. Peter’s dad finally blurts out, “Tell us, bud!”
9. Peter explains the Madi drama. His dad looks even less impressed than he did when Peter was playing ‘guess what my Bachelor experience has been’.[8] Both parents voice their concern that Madi did not raise this issue earlier in the process, and Peter’s brother solemnly concurs. Peter, channeling fifteen-year old girls everywhere, does not care what they say because he loves Madi. His brother looks around as though he does not know why he is there, which is not the vibe anyone should be giving off during a free trip to Australia.

Hannah Ann Meets the Fam

10. Peter describes Hannah Ann to his family as “pure innocence combined with confidence.” I feel as though Peter sees Hannah Ann the same way I see a bold puppy exploring the outside world for the very first time.[9]
11. Hannah Ann is very emotional and excited to meet Peter’s family. Peter’s mother, Barb, says that she sees herself and Peter’s father in the two of them. Peter’s dad scoffs – they’re a little younger! Peter’s dad is a jokester.
12. Barb seems to think that she is auditioning for a new reality show, wherein mothers pick their son’s wives. She opens her conversation with Hannah Ann by saying, “I am looking for x, y z, how do you fit that?” Hannah Ann cries and says she has been very open. Barb says that her time with Hannah Ann has meant the world to her.
13. Hannah Ann goes to speak with Peter’s father. She tells him that “when [she] look[s] at Peter, [she] look[s] at [her] heart.” This makes no sense, but Peter’s dad is into it. Hannah Ann has absolutely nailed this family visit.
14. Peter speaks with his father, and tells him that he has given his heart to two different people – one makes things easy on him (Hannah Ann), and the other makes it hard (Madi). Peter’s dad tells him that he doesn’t like to see him so sad.

Madi Makes a Second Impression

15. Peter, in a diary moment, says that he wants to do whatever it takes to make his and Madi’s relationship work, and it is very clear that he has much stronger feelings for Madi than he does for Hannah Ann.
16. Madi arrives; Peter asks how she is, and she says, “not good”. She tells Peter that she understands that this is his journey, and that he is “a big boy” who can make decisions for himself, but that she wishes he could understand the gravity of what last week meant to her. She did not ask for anything until that moment, and felt as though she shared her heart, and he nevertheless decided to put his feelings, wants, and needs, ahead of hers. Before finding out about him having sex with the other women, she was ready to accept his proposal fully, but now she feels as though he pulled the rug out from under her.
17. Peter, looking more and more like the bowl of dry mashed potatoes that he is,[10] says that he understands that this is difficult. He felt that, going into that situation, he had someone who meant the world to him but who hadn’t yet told him how she felt, and that she is now giving him an ultimatum. He is glad she has now told him how she feels, but this is how he feels. Peter is not very articulate.
18. Madi needs Peter to consider the decisions he makes and how they impact her. What a normal bar to set in a relationship. She has been trying to express her expectations and take their relationship seriously, but she couldn’t validate in words what she didn’t know in her heart. Madi says she feels like she is hanging on by a thread, and that she does not feel confident.
19. This entire conversation demonstrates how Madi and Peter are just very clearly not a good match. The intimacy issue is obviously key to Madi feeling comfortable with committing to someone, which is totally fair, and in the real world, nobody would question anyone who said, “You know what, I know you were dating other people and it didn’t bother me for a while, but the fact that you slept with two other people this past week bothers me so much that I don’t want to move forward in this relationship.” Peter, on the other hand, seems to have had the strongest feelings for Madi, so by not getting the full picture of how important sex was to her, he wasn’t able to totally understand how the decision to go to the fantasy suites with Hannah Ann and Victoria F. would impact Madi’s feelings for him. Or, he did understand and was wilfully blind to it, and just hoped she would get over it. Either way, neither of them clearly communicated their expectations, and their relationship needs to stop.
20. Peter tells her that he does not want her to go, and wants to get through this. He asks her to meet him halfway, which is confusing because, at this point, what does that even mean; the condoms are out of the bag!
21. Madi lists her good qualities (she is loyal, protective, and a fighter), and Peter nods. She then says she loves him, but refuses to kiss him, which is hilarious and petty; you love to see it.
22. Meanwhile, Peter’s family has just been hanging out in a house in Alice Springs, waiting. Peter finally brings Madi in, and for some reason she tells his parents and brother about all this drama, including their most recent conversation, which does not seem appropriate. She tells them the journey has not been easy, but she nevertheless loves Peter.
23. Peter’s dad speaks with Madi, and asks her if she thinks they are compatible. She says they obviously have differences. He asks if there are differences that bother her. She brings up her faith, but says that Peter told her he could grow his own faith.[11] She ultimately wants what is best for Peter.
24. Peter speaks with his brother. The brother points out that Peter is very physical in his relationships. He asks Peter if he realistically sees himself not having sex until marriage, and whether he and Madi have talked about the fact that “[Peter] goes to clubs and she goes to church” – it is a great line. The brother, whose name I don’t care to learn, tells Peter that he is worried that Peter is compromising who he is, and that he sees a seemingly perfect girl on one hand, and then Madi on the other. Burn on Madi.
25. Madi speaks with Peter’s mother, Barb. Barb tells Madi that she understands that Madi is very religious. She says that their family is more spiritual,[12] and asks if Madi needs her partner to share the same level of faith. Barb notes that Peter parties and socialises quite a bit, and that he and Madi seem to have very different lifestyles. She respects Madi’s values, but she doesn’t want someone to fundamentally change her son. She further respects Madi’s decision not to go to the fantasy suite, but feels as though telling Peter what to do, whether it be physical or emotional, with the other relationships, is unfair.
26. Madi is visibly ruffled by that statement. She says she understands what Barb is saying, but that this is also her journey, that her expectations are as valid as Peter’s, and that she will not apologize or be ashamed for who she is. She says she wanted to be open and honest with who she was.
27. Nobody is shaming Madi for who she is, and she is not wrong for making this process about herself and her needs. She just shouldn’t have gone on a show where it is well-known that the lead will likely have sex with three contestants before proposing to one of them. Or, she should have been very clear with Peter that, she was not giving him an ultimatum, but that she couldn’t accept a proposal from him knowing he had had sex with the other women, so that he could then have the choice to a) eliminate the two other women and move forward with her; b) keep her and then not have sex with either woman in the suites; c) eliminate her and move forward with the other two women; d) tell her that he respected her feelings but wasn’t sure how the fantasy suites would progress with the other relationships so couldn’t make any promises, and allow her to decide whether to walk away.
28. Instead, we’re in this bizarre situation where Peter, in expressing a desire to have had the full picture of Madi’s expectations, now has more personality than he has had all season. This may truly be the biggest twist The Bachelor has ever given me.
29. Madi says that this has been an exhausting day, that she and Peter are on many different pages, and she needs to think about what is best.

Post-Family Dates

29. Barb breaks down crying.[13] Peter is confused. Barb tells Peter that Madi is not there for Peter. Last night, Barb prayed that Peter and Madi would receive guidance in where their relationship was at, because Peter has a gem waiting for him and god put her there for him. “Madi is a sweet girl, but Hannah Ann is an angel on earth.” NO PRESSURE, HANNAH ANN. Barb is praying that god enlightens Peter, and tells him that a mother’s intuition is never wrong.
30. Generally, I think the Lord is a bit more subtle than a mother sobbing at you to MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE, but maybe the Lord felt very strongly about Hannah Ann, and wanted to go Old Testament on Peter. If Peter wakes up to a burning bush on his doorstep, we will know the true word.
31. Barb goes on to remind Peter how, last season, he was “head over heels in love with Hannah B.” and then “she went and picked the wrong person.” I now completely understand why Peter appears to think as though everyone should be interested in him for his mere existence – his mother has created this monster. That’s not to say Barb is wrong about who Peter is more compatible with (Madi is entirely the wrong choice here) but this all comes down to the fact that Peter is an immature, terrible Bachelor, who has been made to feel as though he deserves love for no reason beyond the fact that he exists. I shouldn’t be watching Peter’s journey right now, because he was never ready for it – WHERE IS HOT MIKE, PRAY TELL?
32. Peter’s entire family is very confused as to why he is interested in Madi. His brother even says, “how do you not see that Hannah Ann is the answer?” Peter sulks while his family warns him not to pick a partner he is fundamentally incompatible with.[14]
33. This entire season of The Bachelor has been boiled down to a life lesson that the majority of people learn in their early twenties, without the assistance of Host Chris Harrison: love is not enough. Timing and compatibility are the most important factors to a successful relationship, and I resent Peter for taking away from the fantasy that is The Bachelor so that he can learn this lesson. The whole point of watching this show is to see an unrealistic love story play out, and I will never forgive Peter for taking that away from me.
34. Peter tells his family to trust him in his decision, which is when Barb essentially throws herself onto a fainting bed, cry-screaming, “DON’T LET HER GO! BRING [HANNAH ANN] HOME! BRING HER HOME TO US. WE WILL WELCOME HER WITH OPEN ARMS. SHE IS A DREAM COME TRUE; GOD HAS PLACED HER THERE FOR YOU. THAT IS WHAT LOVE STORIES ARE MADE OF.”
35. For a woman who said she is spiritual and not religious, Barb sure is leaning hard on God to manipulate her son into picking the person she wants.
36. Peter feels as though his mother has been quite dramatic enough, and tells her to stop. These overly emotional outbursts are extremely manipulative – the way Barb was acting, you would have thought someone had died. Odds are, regardless of who Peter picks, this relationship is not going to last, Barb, so just let Peter fake propose to someone and we can all get on with our lives. Peter tells his mother that her reaction is insane, and asks her not to do this to him. I guess the only woman that Peter will set boundaries with is his mother?
37. Barb responds by sobbing that “[SHE] HAS EMOTIONS; [SHE] TRUST[S] AND LOVE[S] [PETER] WITH ALL [HER] HEART.” It certainly does not sound as though she trusts Peter’s decision-making capabilities any more than I do, but whatever you say, Barb.
38. Peter goes outside to pout on a rock.[15] Peter reverts to channelling the fifteen-year old inside him: he understands Madi, and it shouldn’t matter to his family because he is the one spending his life with her, not them. What a stupid, immature statement. If you are marrying this woman, your family is spending the rest of your life with her, unless you decide to cut your family out of your life. Your family should obviously not dictate your relationship and who you end up with, but when your entire family, who you are very close with, tells you that they think you are making a mistake, at least pretend to take their opinions into consideration. Granted, Barb’s over the top reaction makes everyone’s valid concerns seem unreasonable, so I understand Peter responding with an equally immature response.
39. I hate this season of The Bachelor. I long for the days of Colton jumping fences. I would even take a cameo from Nick Viall, who up to this point has been my least favourite member of Bachelor Nation. Just get Pouty Peter off my screen.

Madi’s Final Date

40. Peter goes on his last date with Madi. They are near Uluru and Peter is suggesting they are doing something on it. I almost threw my wine at the computer,[16] but it turned out that they are just going to take a helicopter ride over it.
41. It turns out that, shockingly, abc decided not to discuss the housing crisis, but would rather just use this opportunity to exploit Aboriginal culture[17] – they fly over Uluru and Peter says “it’s like, super sacred for Native people here” without any further explanation. At least read a guidebook, Peter?
42. They finish their helicopter ride and go to a picnic basket, where Peter has procured sparkling apple juice for Madi, as she presumably does not drink. Peter says “I gotchu girl,” while handing her the juice, as though realising that she prefers non-alcoholic beverages will make up for him having slept with two other women the week prior.
43. Madi tells Peter what we all know – love is not enough. She has wanted this to work so badly, which has clouded her judgment. She knows they can’t give each other what they need, and, harkening back to the list of her own good qualities, which you will recall includes being “loyal” and “a fighter”, notes that “sometimes being a good fighter means knowing when to surrender.” She thinks love still wins, because she is willing to walk away from Peter so that he can get what he came here for.
44. Peter is upset, and asks why she does not believe that she is what he came here for. Could it be the million reasons his family laid out, and the fact that his family hates her? Peter is confused. I am unsurprised. Nothing new to see here.[18]
45. And now, in the moment I have been waiting for all season, Madi and Peter break up. Finally.

Hannah Ann’s Final Date

46. Peter wakes up all morose. He sleeps in sweatpants, which I find very bizarre.[19] Does he not get overheated? This is the purpose of blankets. Peter just can’t do anything right, and I need to accept that.
47. Peter is sad about Madi. Host Chris Harrison is basically like, buck up, there is another woman you barely care about waiting for you to propose to her. Peter clarifies that he is also in love with Hannah Ann, but that he is feeling a lot of feelings.
48. Peter goes out with Hannah Ann. There are baby kangaroos.[20] Nothing else matters.
49. They watch older kangaroos hop about. Peter says he wants to pick Hannah Ann every day for the rest of his life. I wonder whether he realises that he did not in fact pick Hannah Ann, but rather, he was left with her after the woman he actually wanted to marry left. As he finishes saying all these things to Hannah Ann, she asks him if there is something bothering him, which is, I’m sure, the reaction he sought in this moment.
50. In a diary moment, she says that it is hard to be serious about committing to an engagement, because she does not feel as though she knows where Peter’s head is at.
51. Excellent intuition, Hannah Ann.

The Proposal

52. Peter starts off his day with a casual jog through the outback. He says how right it feels with Hannah Ann and how much he loves her. I have my doubts, but Neil Lane will nevertheless give him a ring, knowing full well that Peter’s engagement will not last the two-year time period required for an individual to keep said ring. Neil Lane is preparing to repurpose those diamonds before they are out the door.
53. Peter calls Rick,[21] and asks for permission to marry Hannah Ann. Rick doesn’t sound too thrilled, but says that he trusts Hannah Ann’s decision.
54. We cut to Hannah Ann. She is reflecting on what today could mean. She has been searching and longing for this love for so long, and settle down Hannah Ann, you are 23. You are only old enough to have had one  – maaaaybe two – serious relationship(s) in your life.
55. Hannah Ann seems over this. She says she wants to “tap out”, and is frustrated because Peter told her that he was torn between her and Madi.[22] She lays in the bed as though it were a fainting couch,[23] and lord, the dramatics; I get why she and Barb got along so well.
56. Host Chris Harrison, sensing a need to stir up some drama, goes over to Peter and tells him that he doesn’t know whether Hannah Ann is coming to the proposal. Peter asks whether Hannah Ann knows that Madi is no longer here, and Host Chris Harrison, who has probably been drunk for several weeks now to cope with this season, sassily says, “not unless you told her.”
57. Peter is so selfish – he is asking whether Hannah Ann knows about Madi because he is worried she will realise that she was his default option. Of course Hannah Ann is just the default – Peter couldn’t make a decision all season, one of the women made it for him, and now he is desperate that Hannah Ann not figure this all out before he has the chance to manipulate her into getting engaged to him.
58. Peter says that it does not make sense that Hannah Ann wouldn’t come (once he has received confirmation that she does not know Madi is no longer there). Again, he seems to believe that he is entitled to be loved by any of these women, just because he is The Bachelor. I can’t stand him.
59. Now Peter lays on the bed as though it were a fainting couch, and given their shared penchant these antics, maybe he and Hannah Ann were made for each other and I was wrong.[24]
60. Hannah Ann finally rocks up to this proposal. In a diary moment, she says that she can only go through with this if she knows that she is the only person that Peter loves.
61. Peter sees Hannah Ann, and mentions again that he had felt as though he was torn in two different directions, but “Madi left two days ago.” This is so manipulative and dishonest – he says it in such a way that it seems as though he asked Madi to leave, when he in fact begged her to stay. Peter proposes to Hannah Ann, and she accepts.

Peter Returns Home

62. Peter tells his family that he is engaged, but does not say to whom. They wait to find out the identity of their future daughter-in-law as though they are a heavily favoured Olympic ice dancing team in a hot contest waiting on their score results.[25] Barb screams and sobs when Peter tells her that it is Hannah Ann.[26] If I were Hannah Ann and I saw that footage, I would run for the hills.
63. Based on all that has happened up to and including this point, I submit that the only people who wanted Peter to be The Bachelor are the very same people who clap when an airplane lands.

______________________________________________________________________________

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

Exhibit D

Exhibit E

Exhibit F

Exhibit G

Exhibit H

Exhibit I

Exhibit J

Exhibit K

Exhibit L

Exhibit M

Exhibit N

______________________________________________________________________________

[1] I will not be recapping the Women Tell All episode beyond the actual content of Peter’s dates, save for this footnote. The episode consisted of the women screaming at one another, in a similar vein to how they behaved the entire season. Champagne Kelsey, on the other hand, acknowledged how ridiculous she came across on the show, and seemed embarrassed of her edit. She is probably much nicer and saner in person than what she was made out to be on the show. Notably, neither Kelley, Esq., nor Old Crone were at the reunion show, so honestly, why did I even watch this?

[2] Many apologies for the delay in this recap – I was in New York City when the WHO announced the coronavirus pandemic, and was figuring out a way to return to Canada safely! I am now quarantined with all the time in the world to ponder the intricacies of the finale. In the interests of splitting up the recap so that we have more distractions in quarantimes, I will cover the After the Final Rose portion in a separate recap.

[3] See Exhibit A.

[4] See my eyes rolling to the back of my skull.

[5] See Exhibit B, for the face of a woman who looks extremely excited about a future with Peter.

[6] Madi’s first date with Peter was to his parents’ vow renewal ceremony, see Rose v Date, Pilot Pete: Episodes One & Two, para. 15. Available online at <https://melissmckay.com/2020/01/26/the-bachelor-peters-season-episodes-1-2/>.

[7] Unsurprisingly, they do not, but you can read more about the legal victory achieved by Australian Lawyers for Remote Aboriginal Rights against the Northern Territory government for failing to provide safe housing to Aboriginal communities at Sonia Sofat, “First Nations Remote Housing Rights – Santa Teresa”, Grata Fund, 5 July 2019. Available online at <https://www.gratafund.org.au/remote_aboriginal_housing_rights>.

[8] See Exhibit C.

[9] For an example of what I think of when I hear “pure innocence combined with confidence,” see my dog Varta at three months of age, pictured (right) in Exhibit D.

[10] See Exhibit E.

[11] I mentioned this before, but no – there is such a big difference between asking someone to come to church with you on Sunday, and the role faith plays in Madi’s life. Someone who is essentially a non-practicing Christian is extremely unlikely to jump on the train of evangelizing people, and vice versa. There is nothing wrong with that, but be realistic with the priorities in your lives.

[12] This is Christian-speak for “I believe in a higher power but not in organised religion, and my relationship with that higher power is between me and it.”

[13] See Exhibit F.

[14] See Exhibit G.

[15] Classic Pout-er, am I right? See Exhibit H.

[16] Uluru is a large rock in the Northern Territory that is scared to the Aboriginal populations in the region, as it is believed to have been formed by ancestral beings. It became a popular tourist destination to visit, and many people from Australia and the world would climb Uluru and desecrate this ancestral and spiritual residence, by doing all sorts of things that you’d expect out of crappy tourists, including a striptease. Climbing Uluru was banned in October 2019, but before the ban came into effect, there was an influx of tourists who wanted to climb the rock before it was disallowed. I would not have put it above The Bachelor to engage in that behaviour, but am thankful that they did not.

[17] See above at para. 7.

[18] Peter’s reaction is actually kind of interesting, and again shows the different value that either of them place on words vs actions vs physical intimacy, etc. – Peter is upset that Madi said things that made him believe that she wanted a future with him, and Madi’s response is that she meant those things when she said them. Madi goes on to explain that she has realised how different they are (his family hating her clearly didn’t help), and tried to think realistically about what things would be like outside the Bachelor setting. She notes that the character/personality traits that either of them would have to change to make their relationship work are fundamental to who they are as people. It is very mature of her, and I do appreciate seeing a contestant speaking up for what actually works for them, rather than just focusing on “winning” the show.

[19] See Exhibit I.

[20] See Exhibit J.

[21] See Rose v Date, Pilot Pete: Hometowns and Fantasy Suits, Exhibit A. Available online at: <https://melissmckay.com/2020/03/01/hometowns-fantasy-suites/#jp-carousel-2171>.

[22] Peter told Hannah Ann that he was torn between her and Madi either earlier in the episode or on the Fantasy Suite Date, I can’t recall.

[23] See Exhibit K.

[24] See Exhibit L.

[25] See Exhibit M.

[26] See Exhibit N.