TO: Bachelor Nation

FROM: Melissa McKay

RE: The Bachelor – Peter, Hometowns

DATE: 1 March 2020

______________________________________________________________________________

Introduction

1. On 17 February 2020, at 8PM EST, abc aired the footage of Peter bringing the four remaining women to their hometowns, so that he could meet their families. On 24 February 202 at 8PM EST, the three women who made it through hometowns were shown deliberating their fantasy suite involvement.
2. Peter opens the Hometown episode by stating the names of the four remaining members of his harem: Madison, Kelsey, Hannah Ann, Victoria F. It appears as though he is trying to prove to us that he knows who these people are, because honestly, I’m not sure if I do.

 Knoxville, Tennessee – Hannah Ann

3. Peter meets Hannah Ann in Knoxville. She tells him that her dad likes strong men. They go axe throwing. Peter reads Hannah Ann a letter that he wrote in response to her “heart-dotted i” letter.[1]
4. Peter enters Hannah Ann’s family home by yelling out, “How’s it going, guys!!!!”, as though that were an appropriate way to greet your partner’s parents for the first time, sight unseen.
5. Hannah Ann’s father, Rick, is my favourite character this episode. He says, “we haven’t seen Hannah in a long time and we were excited to see her and spend time with her, and of course she brought Peter with her. This is new and exciting, I guess.” He makes the same facial expressions that I make whenever I see Peter,[2] so I can only imagine how much worse it would be were there potential for Peter to join my family. Rick thinks Peter is “a flash in the pan”, and I like the cut of Rick’s jib.
6. Rick takes Peter outside and tells Peter that is aware that Peter continues to court a harem that includes women other than Hannah Ann. He would like to know where Peter stands with Hannah Ann vs these other ladies. Peter tells Rick he intends to tell Hannah Ann he loves her. Rick tells Peter he would rather Peter didn’t say that, and I kind of want Rick to be a check and balances system on future seasons of The Bachelor.
7. Peter ignores Rick and tells Hannah Ann he is falling in love with her. Meanwhile, Rick gets ready to do some axe throwing of his own. Hannah Ann says that her “heart has fallen” and that she is in love with him too. Peter says, “Say it again,”[3] and there is something very creepy about that.[4]
8. Then, in a diary moment, he says how nice it is to have someone feel that way about him, and how validating that is. These women are interchangeable so long as they are validating Peter’s lovability. If you want validation, Peter, just go on Tinder and let some people swipe right on you every now and then, don’t go on The Bachelor.

Des Moines, Iowa – Champagne Kelsey

9. Champagne Kelsey is from Iowa. Of course she is.
10. She takes Peter to a winery. In Iowa. This is not a wine growing region, and I am concerned. They crush grapes in their bare feet and Peter attempts to dance, yet again. The movements are comparable to watching a piece of cardboard in the road that is repeatedly driven over by cars.
11. They try some wine, to create a blend that represents their journey. Peter then compares their relationship to wine: “The aftertaste always leaves you wanting more.” The current aftertaste in my mouth is of vomit.
12. Kelsey wants to toast to Peter’s first time in Iowa, and he just laughs as though he hates the fact that he has come to Iowa. Honestly, I’m impressed that, as a commercial airlines pilot, he managed to avoid any Delta Iowa routes in the early stages of his career.
13. Kelsey tells Peter she loves him. His face[5] is not the response I would want but whatever works for you, Kels.
14. Even in the diary moments, Peter does not say that he is falling in love with Kelsey, whereas he has already said that about Madison, Hannah Ann, and Victoria F. in earlier episodes, so I think Kelsey’s fate is sealed.
15. They meet Kelsey’s family. Peter and Kelsey feed one another in front of her parents and I am horrified.[6] I would get up and leave any table where a man tried to handfeed me, but in front of your parents? That is a new level of terror.
16. The night ends, and as they leave, Kelsey again tells Peter that she is in love with him. Peter thanks her and says his “heart has fallen”, which, you’ll recall, is exactly what Hannah Ann said to Peter.[7] It’s like he’s trying to method act Hannah Ann’s feelings for him so that Kelsey will believe he might pick her.

Auburn, Alabama – Madi

17. Peter thinks it is crazy that he is in Auburn. It is a fairly accessible city, so I’m not sure why he is so bewildered.
18. Since Madison is 23, she teaches him fight songs for her undergraduate university, which she graduated from just prior to going on The Bachelor. She takes him to play basketball and her basketball coach comes out to congratulate her on making Final Four twice in one year.[8] Charles Barkley appears on the Jumbotron.[9] Madi is too good for Peter and needs to leave.
19. Peter tells Madi he is falling in love with her. She does not say it back. He says that he totally felt that she felt it though. I felt the exact same way the one time a guy I had a crush on in high school stood behind me in the cafeteria line, so I’m sure that tracks.
20. Madi takes Peter to her family home, which is a mansion. She has four siblings. I was confused for a significant portion of this episode, because her father looks so young that I believed he was one of her brothers.[10]
21. They drink iced tea out of wine glasses and pray before dinner, so we know that they are a religious family™.
22. In a moment when it is just the two of them, Madi’s mum asks her if she has told Peter that she intends to save herself for marriage. She says not yet. This seems like dicey info to keep until fantasy suites, but you do you Madi. You must share a real strong connection with Peter if you haven’t discussed one of your core beliefs around physical intimacy.
23. Peter goes to speak with the child-father. The child-father uses the phrase “she’s so pure” to describe Madison, and let’s just not go down the creepy path where a father referred to their daughter’s virginity in such a way in 2020. He asks Peter if he thinks they are compatible given their faith. Peter, who last week totally ignored the degree of importance Madi attributes to her faith,[11] does the verbal equivalent of a shrug. The child-father asks Peter if he knows she is the one for him. Peter says that if it were the last week of this process he would, and the child-father is unimpressed because it is not the last week and he would like something more than a noncommittal, “your daughter seems cool but the only reason I was assigned the role of The Bachelor is because I had sex with Hannah Brown in a windmill four times last year, so who knows which way I’ll go.”
24. Madi and her child-father speak. Her child-father is concerned that they do not know each other well enough. He tells her that when she was a baby he laid his hands on her and prayed for her future husband, which would weird me out if my dad ever said that to me because I would hope he had higher priorities for my life achievements, but at least he’s not commenting on her purity again. The child-father says he is not sure that Peter is the man he prayed for, but he will keep the door open for him.
25. Peter tells Madi again that he loves her, and she says, “this is hard.” Champagne Kelsey is going to be pissed when she watches this back. In a diary moment, Peter says he is confident in Madison and that they are on the same page. Madison, meanwhile, says that there are a lot of unknowns and that her feelings are all over the place.

Virginia Beach, South Carolina – Victoria F.

26. Victoria F. has a very cute dog. The dog is a black Labrador. She (Victoria F., not the dog) takes Peter to an old-timey photo place and they take photos. The dog takes photos with them. The dog eats ice cream. The dog is dethroning Rick from his position as number one family member this week.[12]
27. Victoria F. takes Peter to The Shack, an allegedly hip Virginia Beach bar. They listen to another country singer, one who Victoria F. has not dated, and Peter again moves his body in unappealing ways.[13]
28. As the concert ends, Peter is approached by an ex-girlfriend from years past, who tells him Victoria F. is a homewrecker. Peter moodily walks to his stretch Hummer.[14]
29. Victoria F. does not know she has been accused of homewreckery. She says she is falling in love with Peter. Peter shows up at her family home and says, “you know how last time you had an ex? This time I did!”, which does not seem like the most constructive way to begin this conversation. He tells Victoria F. what his ex said, in, to his credit, not an accusatory manner. Her response is very unreactive, which frustrates Peter. Peter asks if they can have an honest conversation about this and Victoria F. says that it doesn’t matter what she says, she just does not want to do this. According to Victoria F., Peter was supposed to meet her family and decided whatever this ex said was more important. She says she is done with this and walks away.
30. I loathe to side with Peter “Melted Bowl of Vanilla Ice Cream” Weber, but if someone told me that the person I had been dating for six weeks had broken up several relationships, I would want to get some clarity on that situation before meeting their family. It is totally reasonable to want to have that conversation, but perhaps somewhere other than the porch stoop of her family home would have been more appropriate.
31. Meanwhile, her family sits in the living room, in front of the bay window, wondering when they can be released.
32. An undisclosed amount of time later, Victoria F. returns. For some reason, Peter apologizes? She says she is falling in love with him, and asks him why he is willing to stay with her. She is crying. He tells her she is worthy of love, gets in the limo, and rides off without meeting her family.
33. The next morning, Victoria F. comes to Peter’s hotel room. He tells her that he doesn’t think she wants him to love her.[15] She repeats that she is falling in love with him and that the ball is in his court. She gives him an old timey photo of them[16] and leaves.
34. I’m sorry, she threw a hissy fit and now they just aren’t going to talk about the fact that someone Peter trusts[17] told him that she broke up several relationships? Her unwillingness to calmly discuss these allegations is a giant red flag, and the fact that she turned everything around on him for trying to bring it up is extremely manipulative.
35. Just go home, Peter.

Rose Ceremony

36. Madison shows up in a balling jumpsuit.[18] Chris Harrison appears to have just remembered he is part of this show.[19]
37. Peter sends Champagne Kelsey home. He thanks her for saying that she loves him, but that he wasn’t there.
38. The remaining women will travel to Australia with Peter. But first! Madi pulls Peter aside, because she is not willing to compromise who she is, and needs to tell him how much she is struggling.

Post-Rose Ceremony

39. Madi struggles to articulate her feelings regarding physical intimacy. At first, I was frustrated by her inability to express her boundaries, but then I am reminded that she is 23, as are all the remaining women, so I’m sure we can expect many mature conversations leading up to this potential engagement.[20]
40. Madi tells Peter that she wants to be honest that, were Peter to sleep with the other women, it would be hard for her to move forward. Peter asks what this means. I think it was fairly clear, but she repeats that it would be hard for her if he spent the night with someone else. She does not want to give him an ultimatum, but wants to be open with her feelings. Peter wants to know what she is asking, and says that it is not fair to let her dictate his actions in the other two relationships. She says she does not want to tell him whether she would proceed if he slept with someone else, and he says he needs to know this now. She says that she does not want to give him an ultimatum in any way, but for her, actions speak louder than words. Peter tells her that she knows how much she means to him and that he feels good about them.
41. Madi handled this much better than Luke P. on Hannah Brown’s season,[21] but it still wasn’t the best. Like every other aspect of a relationship, everyone is entitled to have their own views on physical intimacy. Madi is allowed to want a partner who shares those views, but the fact that she went on a show where Peter was expected to date, and take three women to a fantasy suite, means that either this wasn’t the right environment for her, or she should have articulated her standards earlier – and, given that the only reason anyone knows who Peter is, is due to the fact Hannah Brown spoke of his sexual activity with him when he was a contestant while telling someone who tried to set limits on her own sexual activity… what was she really expecting? She also, out of fear of giving an ultimatum, did not clearly express to Peter what she needed to move forward with him.
42. I’m also aware that she is 23, and may not have totally understood how much this would bother her, which is fair, but it still seems like her decision to wait to have sex until marriage – which, at this point, she still has not said to Peter; she has just said she is uncomfortable with him sleeping with other people, which is a feeling shared by every contestant on this show – is something that should have come up much earlier.
43. I’m sure this will all end well.

Gold Coast, Australia

44. Usually, for Fantasy Suite Week, the women are separated into their own condos/hotel rooms, so that they aren’t forced to engage with one another the day after one of them may or may not have had sex with their shared boyfriend. It’s the polite thing to do.
45. Not this season. This season, the three women are sharing a house. They are understandably unimpressed to learn this fact upon their arrival in Australia,[22] and I am confused – is he going back to this house every night with each respective woman? Have the producers just cruelly rented out hotel rooms that will mostly stay empty, in the hopes that Madison will snap?
46. Peter enters the women’s home. He says, “G’day Sheilas!” in one of the worst Australian accents I’ve ever heard. He takes Hannah Ann on the first Fantasy Suite Date.
47. Hannah Ann and Peter ride jet skis. The producers have clearly told Hannah Ann that she needs to support Peter’s process in this journey – she spends the majority of their date talking about how she believes in their relationship and wants him to do whatever he needs to do to figure out who he should be with, and regardless of what happens, she will always be there for him. She is obviously being used to contrast Madi’s doubts. Peter solemnly thanks her for okaying the bizarre set-up that is the Fantasy Suite. Peter takes Hannah Ann to the Fantasy Suite, and she is very excited to see that desserts have been brought up to the room. Hannah Ann may have her priorities in order after all.
48. Meanwhile at the mansion, Victoria F. tells Madi that normally, nobody is ok with their boyfriend sleeping with other girls but if he plans on being with them forever, he needs to make sure they are the right fit![23]
49. The next morning, Hannah Ann returns to the house. Victoria F. leaves to get ready for her date. Madi looks like she wants to die.
50. Peter prepares for his date with Victoria F. He says that she “walks away from [their] issues, but [they] both still choose each other.” I think Victoria F. is mostly choosing those potential Instagram sponsorships, but sure, Peter, please continue to tell yourself that she actually likes you.
51. He opens their date by telling Victoria F. that he trusts her and has her back. I am confused because she has done nothing to earn this trust, but I really think Peter’s intelligence peaked in high school when he captained that rocket club.[24]
52. Victoria F. says they need to have a conversation about communication. She was previously in a relationship where she was never asked about her feelings, so it makes her feel defensive when Peter asks her how she feels. Just what one looks for in a partner, an aversion to expressing your feelings.
53. Peter tells her there is nothing she needs to work on at all (???) but that he needs to know he can count on her, even when he says things the wrong way (which, if you ask me, is 90% of the time). She says she doesn’t know how to give him the answer he wants. He says, “just don’t push me away.” They have solved nothing, and once again, Victoria F. has simply cried to avoid speaking about anything meaningful.
54. Peter, obviously, takes her to the Fantasy Suite.
55. Meanwhile, back at the bizarre bachelorette pad, Madi tells Hannah Ann that she told Peter that she might not move forward if he slept with the other women. Hannah Ann, who likely has already slept with Peter, thinks this is “madness”.
56. Madi goes on her date with Peter. They climb a tower and make out at the top.
57. Meanwhile at the Bachelorette Pad, Hannah Ann and Victoria F. discuss Madi’s current status. Both think it is inappropriate of her to give him an ultimatum, and I don’t think that’s what she is doing – again, she should have spoken up about her views earlier so that Peter could decide whether or not they were the right fit, but she’s just setting her own expectations in the relationship. She isn’t manipulating him, she isn’t telling him what he needs to do; she’s saying what makes her uncomfortable and could cause her to walk away from the relationship, which is totally fair if you believe that the relationships on The Bachelor should actually end up being a two-way street.[25]
58. Back on the date, in a diary moment, Peter says that he is in love with Madi.
59. They go to dinner. Peter tells her that her very vague expression of her expectations has really caused him to struggle in his two other relationships. Though it was vague, I could not feel less sympathy for Peter. Madi tells him that she left that conversation feeling very discouraged, but that she had never wanted to give him an ultimatum. She finally tells him that she made the decision to wait until marriage to have sex,[26] which is a topic she really should have brought up sooner. Madi says that she understands that not everyone will have made the same choice, but she feels that, at this point, they should be honest about their expectations and that is what she is trying to do. Peter tells her that she has made “a beautiful commitment”,[27] but that commitment has not been his choice. Though he respects this decision, he would like more clarity on her expectations – this is a totally fair thing for Peter to ask.
60. Madi informs Peter that she would not be able to accept an engagement if he has slept with other women. I think this is fair of her to say – she isn’t judging him, or shaming him, or telling him that it was wrong for him to have had had sex with the other women, she’s sharing her real-life expectations of a relationship. He asks her if she would want to give up forever for something that happened this week in other relationships, and I’m not crazy about that framing, because as much as he would like them to, Peter’s actions in the other relationships do not exist in a void. She tells him that she can’t wrap her head around the idea that he could be on one knee proposing to her a week from now, when six days prior he had slept with someone else.
61. As someone whose thoughts on sex outside marriage are not as strict as Madi’s, I think that makes a lot of sense. Even though that is technically “part of this process”, it isn’t normal, and the fact that so many people have accepted it as normal is bonkers. But I guess that’s why I’m not on this show?[28]
62. Peter tells her that he understands what she is saying, but he can’t give her details of what happened with anyone else. She says that she doesn’t want details but needs something. She then tells Peter she is feeling very uncomfortable, and he responds that he is as well. Finally, valid feelings all around!
63. I feel bad for Madi, because she repeatedly states that she does not want to feel like a bad person because of the standards she has – she is not a bad person for having these expectations, she just shouldn’t have gone on The Bachelor. She states that it has made her uncomfortable to know Peter was even kissing other women, and for a brief moment I think she might bring up how uncomfortable his windmill-infamy makes her, but alas. She states that she pushed through so many uncomfortable barriers she faced because she believed he was worth it, but that this was finally the line she needed to draw.
64. Peter tells her that it is not all about sex, but that this is a significant issue. He was intimate with at least one other person in this process. He tells her that everything they have shared has been amazing, and that he could see them together in the end, but that, at this moment, he could honestly see that with other people too. He states that he “hate[s] that [he] can say that, but it is the truth.”
65. I don’t think either Madi or Peter are in the wrong here. It was incredibly harsh for Peter to tell Madi that he sees other relationships as equivalent prospects, but she did blindside him with this conversation. The producers also clearly manipulated the situation so that Madi would be the last person to go on a fantasy suite date, so all Peter knew going into this week was that she would be uncomfortable with him sleeping with other people (which, again, is a feeling shared by every contestant on this show). This clearly is not the ideal situation for someone with Madi’s beliefs, but it does seem like she was genuinely trying to work out how she would feel, and didn’t know until after the fact. Again, she is also only 23, and I can’t imagine trying to have these types of conversations or sort out those emotions when I was that age.
66. Madi excuses herself and goes outside to cry. To a producer, she says that she made it clear that Peter could lose her if he made certain decisions, and he made them anyway. I disagree – she did not make that clear, and now she is making it sound like an ultimatum.
67. Peter goes to find her, and tells her that he is sorry. Please recall that Madi is the only contestant that Peter has said that he genuinely is in love with. Peter asks her not to walk away and apologizes for hurting her. Madi says she can’t change who she is and what she needs,[29] and doesn’t want to be made to feel bad about who she is.
68. Madi walks away, and the episode ends.

______________________________________________________________________________

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

Exhibit D

Exhibit E

Exhibit F

Exhibit G

Exhibit H

Exhibit I

Exhibit J

Exhibit K

______________________________________________________________________________

[1] See Rose v Date, Pilot Pete: Episode Seven, Exhibit H.

[2] See Exhibit A.

[3] See Exhibit B.

[4] I think it is the fact that this entire season has just felt like Peter seeking validation, rather than a genuine connection. It has never felt like he cares who he picks at the end, just so long as someone tells him they love him so he can prove to America that he is worthy – which is really something I would have rather Peter worked out in therapy than on The Bachelor.

[5] See Exhibit C.

[6] See Exhibit D.

[7] See above at para. 7.

[8] Once as an NCAA basketball player, and once on The Bachelor.

[9] See Exhibit E.

[10] See Exhibit F.

[11] See Rose v Date, Pilot Pete: Episode Seven, paras 16-17. Available at: <https://melissmckay.com/2020/02/17/pilot-pete-episode-7/>.

[12] See Exhibit G.

[13] See Exhibit H.

[14] As Victoria F. said last episode, Peter always is in a mood!

[15] I mean, I wouldn’t want Peter to love me either.

[16] It is unclear whether this version contains the dog.

[17] Peter dated this woman about eight years ago, and they have remained in similar social circles – this is not a situation of an ex trying to win someone back but rather someone giving a warning; the woman even chose to have her face blurred out on air so this doesn’t appear to be for fame.

[18] See Exhibit I.

[19] See Exhibit J.

[20] No offence to 23-year-olds, but the fact that Peter, a 28-year-old man, is purportedly looking for a wife and chose the three youngest contestants for his final three, leads me to believe that he isn’t emotionally mature enough to find a suitable partner – add in the experiences gained in your 20s, which will change the perspectives and priorities of these women, whatever they do after this show, and you don’t exactly have a recipe for constructive dialogue about building a future partnership.

[21] Luke P. and Hannah bonded over their shared faith, and then once it got to fantasy suites, Luke, a “born again virgin” told Hannah that her faith wasn’t true/pure if she did have sex with other men, and that he would lose respect for her.

[22] See Exhibit K.

[23] Madi, understandably, looks grossed out by that phrasing.

[24] See Rose v Date, Pilot Pete: Episode One, para. 4. Available at:<https://melissmckay.com/2020/01/26/the-bachelor-peters-season-episodes-1-2/>.

[25] I do not think that Peter thinks that they should be; I think he just wants someone to love him and follow him around.

[26] Throughout the show, they use the phrase “save yourself for marriage”, but I hate that because we all have the right to decide when to have sex, and as long as there is no coercion between partners, there is nothing wrong with that decision. Using the word “save” makes it seem as though individuals who have had sex before a certain point are in the wrong for doing so, an that simply isn’t true. Everyone should make the decisions they want to about their body and what they engage in without an arbitrary standard of marriage and purity hanging over their head.

[27] I appreciate that Peter did not judge her for this (I didn’t think he would, he’s a dud who is desperate to have someone love him and follow him around, but he’s not a monster) but I also hate this framing. There is no decision to engage in sex that is more or less beautiful. You can tell someone you respect their choice – which is what it is! –  without making it seem like a standard everyone should ultimately hold themselves to.

[28] I will also note that, on earlier seasons of the show, it was much more common for people to turn down fantasy suites/not offer them, or to very clearly state that they would only be accepting it so that they could spend a night talking without cameras (what that actually meant for each relationship, who’s to say). Now, the fantasy suites seem like a given, which is fine, but it is a significant power imbalance between the lead and the contestants, particularly when contestants do place a high weight on physical intimacy – I think this is why so many relationships coming off the show now are “very long engagements”.

[29] I do respect that boundary-setting, but earlier Madi!